About Myself, Unfettered

Hello! I've been blogging for about four years now, and involved with web design for far longer. Most of my personal writing has been confined to observations about the everyday, the humdrum, and the only very mildly amusing.

Recently, I went through a fairly dramatic period in my life. My job sucked, my best friend and I had a major falling out, the person I was falling for wandered out of my life... I had enough! Feeling completely trapped by circumstances, I resolved to start taking back control from people I felt had far too much say in how I lived, though and expressed myself.

I've always been extremely interested in personal liberty. Perhaps I had overly strict parents, or maybe they weren't strict enough and I'm merely spoiled. Regardless of the reason, it has always struck me that all of us are asked to live up to the expectations of others far too often, with little to no time left for self-expression or growth. While it's true personal and professional relationships come with responsibilities, what about our responsibility to follow our own dreams?

Do you remember dreaming?

Personally, I never stopped. The dreaming, I mean. And not weird, nighttime brain dumps about being a fish or listening to books of carpet samples through very expensive headphones. I mean the daydreams; where I could fly, or at least run without looking like a duck and, probably, falling over.

The world used to be such a magical place. Of course, I always loved the escapism of fantasy novels, but at seven, who needed to escape? The trees could talk! We spent the days playing. Now, as adults, we spend latte fueled days worrying about holding down jobs we don't like in the first place. Occasionally, we might find time for a couple of days in Disneyland, if we can stand the lines.

When did we stop playing? Why did we stop playing?

Many people are perfectly content with their lives. They're happy to be gardeners or accountants, bankers or barristas. They feel plugged in, part of a larger system. Others, however, feel trapped on the outside of the system, where playing their parts feels oppressive and burdensome. They long for something more. More often than not, each of us waffles back and forth between being one type of person or the other. What one day seems a privilege is a shackle the next.

At some point, don't you want to run screaming into the night, off to someplace far away, where no one can find you? What stops you? What do you think would happen if you did it? What are you afraid will happen if you don't?

I have all these questions about myself. Now that I've hit a certain age, I've become gobsmacked by the realization if I don't answer some of them now, I probably never will. Essentially, I'm on the verge of running off into the night, deliberating as to whether going or not going is the greater good. On one hand, absolute freedom. On the other, duty and obligation. Both are important, but does one trump the other, or is there a draw?

These are the things I struggle with. And, because I'm long-winded and geeky, I both enjoy belaboring people with my opinions on such subjects, as well as learning from the experiences of others. This is why I started the Myself, Unfettered site, and accompanying blog. I need to know how much of my own life I am capable of defining.

I'll be exploring my own beliefs and ethics through my experiences, and hopefully finding other people who would like to share theirs as well. My greatest fear is that most people believe liberty is conserved, like energy; there is only so much of it to go around. I wonder what the world will be like when those people realize they're wrong.